Soul to Soul

have u ever feel so weak??..
so tiny ,that people just crush u as they go by??..
couldn't run away from this feeling and that moment,no mater how i try to be strong,look strong act in a sharp way,
two things i gained and never hated a thing like them,
1st i'm so  neutral
i kept on acting like this
hiding the feelings and opinions behind a great wall of no reaction outside,
everything kept inside
have u ever feel that u become a black and white paper with no colours??
once i knew somebody who told me that he had adaltonism in his eyes,he can't recognize colours!!
i thought he see everything in black and white and though ..
oh what a horrible thing
i realize that i turn myself to a colourless person!!
it is in my face,in my look ,in my tone,in my reaction,....in everything!!
it has spreaded eveywhere.
u now can't control it ,stop it ,change it.
it become in ur blood most of the time specially with strangers
a friend was asking me and other people
do u think u are not arificial??
do u think u are natural??
it may seem both are the same
i don't know i reply i wish i would not somtimes
he say with astonishment u never natural!
it goes deep inside and hit it
yes i'm not
i may be not clever at all in being hypocrate
i can't hide my love or my dislike or even hate
i can't hide it in my face and look
but...

the 2nd thing
i'm not a fighter by nature
in certain situations
particulary with strangers
people take one of ur rights
and u don't agrea
but
u found ur self speechlessness
u don't have the right words at the right moment to say it
i really really hate myself when this happened
i feel weak and i hate this weakness
in another way sometimes u overloaded and u just explode.

Why i'm saying all this bla bla bla
cauase i had on of these situations today,
and i hate myself for letting a right.
anyway,
i hope one day i break my chains say it when i feel it
show it when i taste it
defend it whenever i had to.