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Saturday, March 11, 2006

Graham: It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

Shereen: They think we're Arab. When did Persian become Arab?

Lara: [referring to the impenetrable cloak] He doesn't have it!

Elizabeth: [confused] He doesn't have what?

Anthony: Come on now! This is America. Time is money.

Anthony: It's just black people demeaning other black people, using that word over and over. You ever hear white people callin' each other "honky" all the time? "Hey, honky, how's work?" "Not bad, cracker, we're diversifying!"

Rick: Why do these guys have to be black? No matter how we spin this thing, I'm either gonna lose the black vote or I'm gonna lose the law and order vote!

Karen: You know, I think you're worrying too much. You have a lot of support in the black community.

Rick: ll right. if we can't duck this thing, we're gonna have to neutralize it. What we need is a picture of me pinning a medal on a black man. The firefighter - the one that saved the camp or something - Northridge... what's his name?

Bruce: He's Iraqi.

Officer Ryan: [talking on the phone] I wanna speak to your supervisor...

Shaniqua: I am my supervisor!

Officer Ryan: All right well, what's your name?

Shaniqua: Shaniqua Johnson.

Officer Ryan: Shaniqua. Big fucking surprise that is!

Shaniqua: Oh! [Shaniqua hangs up]

Graham: Fuck you very much. Thanks for thinking of me.

Jean: I would like the locks changed again in the morning.

Rick: You what?... Look, why don't you just go lie down, ok? Have you checked on James?

Jean: Well of course I've checked on James. I've checked on him every five minutes since we've been home. Do not patronize me. I want the locks changed again in the morning.

Rick: Shhhh. It's ok. Just go to bed, all right?

Jean: Okay, didn't I just tell you not to treat me like a child?

Maria: I'm sorry Mrs. Jean. It's okay, I go home now?

Rick: It's okay. Thank you very much for staying Maria.

Maria: You're welcome. No problem. Goodnight Mrs. Jean.

Jean: [rudely] Goodnight. I would like the locks changed again in the morning. And you know what, you might mention that next time we'd appreciate it if they didn't send a gang member...

Rick: A gang member?

Jean: Yes, yeah.

Rick: What do you mean? That kid in there?

Jean: Yea. The guy in there with the shaved head, the pants around his ass, the prison tattoos.

Rick: Oh come on. Those are not prison tattoos.

Jean: Oh really? And he's not gonna go sell our key to one of his gang banger friends the moment he's out our door?

Rick: Look, you've had a really tough night. I think it'd be best if you'd go upstairs right now and...

Jean: And what? Wait for them to break in? [yelling]

Jean: I just had a gun pointed in my face...

Rick: You lower your voice.

Jean: [yelling] ... and it was my fault because I knew it was gonna happen. But if a white person sees two black men walking towards her and she turns and walks away, she's a racist, right? Well I got scared and I didn't do anything and ten seconds later I had a gun in my face. Now I am telling you, your amigo in there is going to sell our key to one of his homies and this time it would be really fucking great if you acted like you gave a shit!

Jean: Do you want to hear something funny?

Maria: What's that Mrs. Jean?

Jean: You're the best friend I've got.

Jean: I am angry all the time... and I don't know why.

Christine: I just couldn't stand see that man take away your dignity.

Cameron: [to Anthony] You embarrass me. You embarrass yourself.

Officer Ryan: You think you know who you are? [Officer Hanson nods]

Officer Ryan: You have no idea.

Anthony: Look around! You couldn't find a whiter, safer or better lit part of this city. But this white woman sees two black guys, who look like UCLA students, strolling down the sidewalk and her reaction is blind fear. I mean, look at us! Are we dressed like gangbangers? Do we look threatening? No. Fact, if anybody should be scared, it's us: the only two black faces surrounded by a sea of over-caffeinated white people, patrolled by the triggerhappy LAPD. So, why aren't we scared?

Peter: Because we have guns?

Anthony: You could be right.

Ria: Why do you keep everybody a certain distance, huh? What, you start to feel something and panic?

Graham: Come on, Maria. You're just pissed 'cause I answered the phone. Ria: That's just where I begin to get pissed. I mean, really, what kind of man speaks to his mother that way?

Graham: Oh, this is about my mother. What do you know about my mother?

Ria: If I was your father, I'd kick your fucking ass.

Graham: OK, I was raised badly. Why don't you take your clothes off, get back into bed, and teach me a lesson?

Ria: You want a lesson? I'll give you a lesson. How 'bout a geography lesson? My father's from Puerto Rico. My mother's from El Salvador. Neither one of those is Mexico. Graham: Ah. Well then I guess the big mystery is, who gathered all those remarkably different cultures together and taught them all how to park their cars on their lawns?

Anthony: You could fill the Staple Center with what you don't know.

Peter: The Kings are playing tonight.

Anthony: Man, I know you just pretend to like hockey to piss me off!

Lara: I'll protect you, Daddy.

Officer Hanson: Something else funny?

Peter: [laughing] People, man... people.

Lara: How far can bullets go?

Daniel: They go pretty far except sometimes they get stuck in something and they stop.

Lara: What if they don't?

Daniel: Are you thinking about that bullet than went through your window?

Daniel: She had these little stubby wings, like she could've glued them on, you know, like I'm gonna believe she's a fairy. So she said, "I'll prove it." So she reaches into her backpack and pulls out this invisible cloak and she ties it around my neck. And she tells me that it's impenetrable. You know what impenetrable means? It means nothing can go through it. No bullets, nothing. She told me that if I wore it, nothing would hurt me. And I did. And my whole life, I never got shot, stabbed, nothing. I mean, how weird is that?

Lara: I heard a bang.

Daniel: What, like a truck bang?

Lara: Like a gun.

Cameron: I didn't ask for your help, did I?

[last lines] Shaniqua: Ahh! Oh, my God. What the hell is wrong with you people? Uh-uh! Don't talk to me unless you speak American!

Anthony: That waitress sized us up in two seconds. We're black and black people don't tip. So she wasn't gonna waste her time. Now somebody like that? Nothing you can do to change their mind.

Peter: So, uh... how much did you leave?

Anthony: You expect me to pay for that kind of service?

Anthony: You see any white people in there waiting an hour and thirty two minutes for a plate of spaghetti? Huh? And how many cups of coffee did we get?

Peter: You don't drink coffee and I didn't want any.

Anthony: That woman poured cup after cup to every white person around us. Did she even ask you if you wanted any?

Peter: We didn't get any coffee that you didn't want and I didn't order, and this is evidence of racial discrimination? Did you happen to notice our waitress was black?

Lara: It's a really good cloak.

Lucien: You watch the Discovery Channel?

Anthony: Not a lot.

Anthony: They got some good shit on that channel!

Lucien: Every night there is a show with somebody shining a blue light and finding tiny specks of blood splattered on carpets and walls and ceiling fans, bathroom fixtures and special-edition plastic Burger King tray cups. The next thing they show is some stupid redneck in handcuffs who looks absolutely stunned that this is happening to him. Sometimes the redneck is actually WATCHING the Discovery Channel when they break in to arrest him. And he still can't figure out how on earth they could've caught him! [pauses]

Lucien: Do I look like I wanna be on the Discovery Channel?

Anthony: No.

Lucien: Then get the fuck outta my shop.

Graham: I swear to you, Mom. I'll find whoever killed him.

Graham's Mother: Oh, I already know who killed him. You did. I told you to find your brother, but you were too busy for us. I'll take care of everything here. You go on now. You have better things to do.

Cameron: It's about time you realise what it's like to be black.

Christine: Oh, and you're talking about being black? The closest you ever came to being black, Cameron, was watching the Cosby Show.

Cameron: Well, at least I didn't watch it with the rest of the equestrian team.

posted by Dananeer
2:38 PM


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoyed a lot!
» » »

Fri Dec 08, 10:36:00 AM  

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